Posts by Northern Cross

    *We return again, this time in another remote location, an Arctic wasteland. After the Chandelier was revealed through Powdertoy's clumsy attempt at hacking the Chandelier Complex Mainframe, our heroes thought it best to try another solution. Over a rise, a gargantuan array of railguns, arranged into segmented, concentric rings, so large that to view it all at one time, the cannons dissolve into a flat, gray expanse. In the center of this massive arsenal, a single needle- like tower juts out of the glacial expanse.*
    Executive Jack: Remind me why you keep using my heavy artillery? Oh, and destroying it?!
    Executive Bolts: Oh, come off it. I don't have anything this powerful.
    Executive Jack: But what about all of the Dark Matter that I have to manufacture for this insane plan of yours? The Stonehenge array wasn't designed to do this! You're even commandeering my mainframe!
    D.A.W.N.: Firing One awaiting authorization.
    Blaster: Just what are you doing?
    Executive Bolts: We've found something else out.

    *We return to the story, this time on an island, far to the south of Mojang City. Much of the island is occupied by a massive cannon, which we find rotating slowly to point at a small shape, hanging in the evening sky. Around it is a complex tangle of cabling, ducts, and metallic spires supporting a building. An array of sensor and transceiver dishes sits on top of the structure.*
    Chandelier Complex Mainframe: Preliminary checks positive. Ready for firing sequence.
    Executive Bolts: Load carrier shell.
    *A loud clank vibrates through the building.* Chandelier Complex Mainframe: Carrier shell loaded.
    Executive Kalashnikov: Balance injectors, insert propellant.
    *Now, several whines and a whooshing noise are heard.* Chandelier Complex Mainframe: Injectors balanced at 63%, propellant inserted. Eight hours to target lock.
    Executive Lewis: Bolts! There's a network intrusion!
    Chandelier Complex Mainframe: Network intrusion detected. System reboot required for protection.
    Executive Bolts: Must be Thepowdertoy. Can you isolate the breach? We might be able to stop it while continuing the firing sequence.
    Executive Lewis: Sorry, Bolts. It's all over the place. Guess it'll be another seventy- two hours. What's more, we'll have to unload the carrier shell.
    *It appears that our heroes face another setback. Will they eventually succeed in their mission? Find out next post!*

    Executive Bolts: Thepowdertoy. Hold up a second. The Chandelier is actually not a threat to the spambots.
    Thepowdertoy: Oh, really?
    Executive Bolts: Well, you remember the plasmonics shield?
    Thepowdertoy: Yeah...
    Executive Bolts: It would incinerate any projectile detected by the sensors. The shells fired by the Chandelier are considered projectiles, so we can't attack directly, but a fighter jet in space wouldn't. It's safe until it becomes a threat.
    Thepowdertoy: So what does that have to do with my idea?
    Executive Jack: The spambots have a latent background identifier, so a pirated or fabricated ID would just make matters worse.
    Thepowdertoy: But I gave that idea up!
    Executive Jack: You actually just rectified it, and added the fighter jet to it.
    Thepowdertoy: How did you know?
    D.A.W.N.: Behavioral analysis. In fact, this means spambots have targeted you, because you hijacked one of their ships. Sir, shall I eject him?
    Executive Bolts: Yes. Reclaim the ship, too.
    *Thepowdertoy is then grabbed by a robotic arm, then dragged to an airlock, given a parachute, and thrown out. The spambot ship is then broken into pieces, sent to a bank of Industrial Grinders, and then melted down in an Arc Furnace and recasted. Will Thepowdertoy be angry at our heroes? Will he declare them enemies? Will he yell and throw various objects at them? And concerning the daring plan our heroes' daring plan: will it succeed? Will the spambots be pushed further back? Or will the plan fail, and civilization wiped off the face of Minecraftia? Find out next post!*

    Executive Bolts: D.A.W.N., it's war conference time. Call in Wasmic, Thepowdertoy, Blaster, T10A, and Jack.
    *Some time and quite a few arguments later, we see our heroes in a conference room with the aforementioned defenders of Minecraftia.
    Thepowdertoy: So, Bolts, what're we doing here? I was on my way to disable another control node.
    Executive Bolts: I have hacked into a spambot data storage network, and this is what we have discovered.
    *The lights dim and a cloud of pixels appears in the air above the table. It eventually coalesces into a representation of a starship, a confused and tangel mess of gantries and transmission arrays.*
    Executive Bolts: This is a spambot command ship. We have detected one in orbit around Minecraftia, and it appears that it is coordinating the forces that are plaguing us currently.
    Executive Jack: So why don't we just shoot it down? Also, why didn't we detect it before?
    Executive Bolts: Patience, my mechanically challenged friend.
    Executive Jack: What do you mean, "mechanically challenged?" I designed three railgun arrays, didn't I?
    Executive Bolts: And yet, when your coffeemaker "broke down", it took you twenty-two hours of constant examination to realize that the heating coil was fine, and the casing just insulated more heat than you thought it did.
    *Thus the mighty Drake of Fire was thoroughly silenced. A shimmering sphere then enshrouds the spambot command ship.*
    Executive Bolts: The reason this craft has avoided detection and destruction is this plasmonics shield. It absorbs low- to mid- range frequency electromagnetic waves and heats any projectile the sensors detect past its boiling point. Energy weapons are also useless, because almost all of the command ship is covered in ablative plating.
    Blaster: So, we're doomed.
    Executive Kalashnikov: Not exactly. You see, it has a docking cavity instead of external ports, so perhaps we could try to fly a fighter jet through the corridors and destroy the reactor.
    Executive Lewis: Of course, the chances of doing that successfully and exiting the ship without taking significant damage are negligible. In other words, it's suicide to do that.
    Wasmic: Well, we've got that covered. The only problem is getting a fighter jet in there. There's no air in space, last time I checked.
    Executive Bolts: I'm glad you mentioned that.
    *The hologram of the command ship dissolves, to replaced by some kind of massive cannon.*
    Executive Bolts: We can launch it from the Electromagnet-Assisted Explosive Ordnance Projector, code name Chandelier.
    Executive Jack: Hey, what?
    Executive Lewis: The shells it fires have more than enough room for a fighter jet, and they contain an inertial dampening system that would prevent the immediate death or incapacitation of a passenger. Once the initial launch force has given out, a booster module can be activated, allowing for precise aim.
    Executive Bolts: Meeting adjourned.

    Executive Bolts: D.A.W.N., prepare the Shroud. We're getting out of here.
    D.A.W.N.: Why? We seem to be holding our ground relatively well.
    Executive Bolts: Well, it has to do with the Eos Nova
    D.A.W.N.: Please elaborate. I don't see what the prototype has to do with any of this.
    Executive Bolts: The spambots have a planet buster.
    Executive Kalashnikov: And, the only way to guarantee it's destruction-
    Executive Lewis: -Is to crash the Veil of Daybreak into the carrier!
    Executive Bolts: That was stupid. Anyway, they're right. If they deploy the planet buster, we're dead. No one can possibly escape in the time between entry and detonation, so we'll have to destroy it.
    D.A.W.N.: I see. The Shroud is prepared, in any case.
    *Some time later, the Veil of Daybreak Emerges from the clouds surrounding the spambot carrier. It rams into the giant airship, causing both to be consumed in a magnificent explosion. The fireball then drops down into the White Sea, erupting again, this time in a gargantuan mushroom cloud wreathed with blazing metallic gas and radioactive dust. Did our heroes survive? Is the spambot threat temporarily averted? Find out next post!*

    *A large explosion once again reverberates through the hull of the Veil of Daybreak. This time, a support bar has been blown apart, and much of the hull is on fire.*
    Executie Bolts: Extensive damage report!
    T.O.M.: Support bar A is destroyed, decks 4 through 8 on fire, reactor destabilized and leaking plasma.
    Executive Kalashnikov: Shut down the injector assembly! The feed's out of alignment, and if there's too much stress, the anchors could disengage entirely!
    Executive Lewis: I might be able to configure the generator in time, but we'll get very close to the ground.
    D.A.W.N.: Adamantine Squadron is not responding, sir.
    Executive Bolts: Send a REther message to Wasmic! We seem to be the only ones holding back this fleet of airships, we've just lost contact with the best fighter squadron in the world, and this ship is, at the moment, seemingly held together by rubber bands and glue! In fact, send it to Blaster and Thepowdertoy as well.

    Executive Bolts: This is Veil of Daybreak. Ilumite squadron, report in.
    Ilumite One: Javelin, in position.
    Ilumite Two: Crystal, in position.
    Ilumite Three: Albus, in position.
    Ilumite Four: Swarm, in position.
    Executive Bolts: Good. Now, Javelin and Swarm, the spambot Travel Class bombers are a top priority. Their trajectory takes them over the Noble Spire. You can't let them get there. The Kitchen Class airships are not much of a threat on their own, but we've intercepted a call for backup. Crystal, engage them in combat immediately. Albus, we need you for AA defense, so stay here.
    Albus: How come I keep hearing "we"? You don't very often include your AI constructs in "we"s. What's the deal?
    Executive Bolts: Well, I'm glad you mentioned that. Ilumite Team, meet Executives Lewis and Kalashnikov.

    Sorry about the lapse, summer vacation stuff.

    Executive Bolts: Jack? Do you copy? Hello? *Cuts communication* I can't find the Nosferatu on the MNOTS. D.A.W.N., do you have any theories?
    D.A.W.N.: It appears that he was in some way incapacitated.
    Executive Bolts: I could tell that. Any more specific theories? I mean, we're running on ethanol. Ethanol. We could run the fusion reactor, but I need the stupid override code for the stupid warranty void lockdown! A warranty void lockdown for railgun components. I can't believe he did this.
    D.A.W.N.: Well, the warranty was voided. Many products do actually include those types of safety measures, like our own Tomorrow, Incorporated Mining Tower Control Network Terminal, ID 25579813515.595-
    Executive Bolts: Yes. I know. I give up. Can you send him the Void Cell? Maybe that'll help.
    D.A.W.N.: Void fire magic can certainly help with many things... Energistics network connection error code 000.15698: network has been infected by hostile progffgramfdfsasssssshhshshhhh... System Reboot. Sorry.
    Executive Bolts: Well, that won't work. Call in the cavalry!

    A naked singularity opens up somewhere very far away, and eats the pocket dimension that Chaos existed in, utterly destroying him and totally ensuring that he will never exploit artistic lisence to be horrendously over- powered and ruin the storyline ever again!
    That means you, chaoschamp!

    Now, enough with saving the narrative from godmodding, and on to the story! Yays!

    Executive Jack: I can't upload the blueprints right now. We're outnumbered twenty to one!
    Executive Bolts: T.O.M., launch the Sterling and Corundum squadrons. Now, if it's all the same to you, Jack, I'll leach the data out of your network. I've got a fusion reactor I need to get online.
    D.A.W.N.: Burn complete. Disk ready for examination... Examination complete. Implementing changes.
    Executive Bolts: Power it up, and align the plasma cannon.
    T.O.M.: Sir? We haven't installed the spellcasting matrices. It'll be straight helium plasma.
    Executive Bolts: Well, I didn't say cryptoplasma, did I?
    T.O.M.: No, sir, you did not.
    Executive Bolts: Well, then, align the plasma cannon.

    Executive Bolts: Jettison the nuclear reactors-
    D.A.W.N.: I don't see how that will help, sir.
    Executive Bolts: As I was saying, jettison the nuclear reactors, and try to match their trajectory to the spambot bomber.
    T.O.M.: But that's a fission bomb! They're unpredictable, not to mention illegal! If we did that we might as well turn ourselves over to the military!
    Executive Bolts: You're getting too human. Anyway, we can use the fusion reactor.
    D.A.W.N.: That's a prototype, sir. There's no telling whether it will work or not. I mean, the components work fine on their own, but we can't get it to make any plasma.
    Executive Bolts: It's been done before. I think that the ohmic heater is just incapable of producing enough heat. I know!
    D.A.W.N.: What?
    Executive Bolts: Call Jack again.
    D.A.W.N.: Uplinking... success.
    Executive Jack: I'm a little busy, Bolts. You'd better make this fast.
    Executive Bolts: Well, you see, I need to start my fusion reactor soon, but the ohmic coil I have installed just isn't producing enough heat. So, I thought that if you gave me the design for the quarterniary acceleration matrix on the Stonehenge, (D.A.W.N., turn on the AdBlock beacon) I could reduce the gluonic attraction and also accelerate the plasma constitutents fast enough to produce a break- even autogenous thermonuclear reaction. Also, the supercondensator isn't working as well as I'd hoped, and the Chandelier cannon circumvents the Verne limitation by using a graphene capacitance layer somewhere in the proliferation cell, but I don't know where, and it's very important that it's in the right place, or else it will backfeed or even explode from thermomagnetic stress. Furthermore, I tried to induce a cyclometric feed, but the injectors were overheating, and it kept destabilizing, even though I used three lithium dampening coils. I think that the alignment chamber on the Pendragon array used liqiud wolframium, but how is it that you keep it from breaching the reservoir? The only wolframium fluids I've encountered are ferrofluids, so maybe you found an angmallen or something. Can you help me with that too?
    Executive Jack: There wasn't a single word over three syllables that I understood. Make that two.
    D.A.W.N.: I told you it was hopeless trying to explain nuclear engineering to those military types.
    Executive Bolts: Oh, go construct a complex trancendental floating-point variable matrix. Anyway, Jack, I need the blueprints for your rail cannons. It's important.
    Executive Jack: Oh, fine. At leat spare me from your lectures.

    Executive Bolts: Target Nimbus cell four on the Mojang City Defense Coordination Center.
    T.O.M.: Sir?
    Executive Bolts: Yes. There's a network intrusion and this is the only way to be sure that they won't turn it on us. That bombing squadron wasn't a bombing squadron. They were wrapping up their sabotage. Now, fire.
    *A cruise missile streaks through the air and pierces the glass dome of the Center. It then erupts in a brilliant explosion, destroying it completely. Around the city, turrets and missile lanchers power down.*
    Executive Bolts: Jack, status. *Static*
    D.A.W.N.: I hope he's all right. Oh, there's a message from Bitterholz. It's a distress signal. Shall I deploy a rescue team?
    Excutive Bolts: Deploy the Galena squadron. Now, I need to plan.

    T.O.M.: Sir, a spambot bombing squadron has been detected. Their trajectory is such that they will pass over the Mojang City Defense Coordination Center in seven minutes.
    S.A.M.: If they destroy it, all defenses will be rendered inoperative, including coordinated ReCaptcha shields.
    Executive Bolts: T.O.M., can you align the Firmament cannon in time?
    T.O.M.: No, sir. Much of my processing power is currently devoted to the spectral plasmonics. If you like-
    *A huge explosion drowns out T.O.M.'s sentence, as a missile slams into theVeil of Daybreak. Several airships appear seemingly out of thin air, surrounding the massive tactics execution platform.*
    Executive Bolts: Scramble the Adamantine Sqadron! Jack, get out there.
    Executive Jack: But-
    Executive Bolts: Now! I don't have time to argue! The ship is under attack. D.A.W.N., unlock full function of Tactics Oversight Mainframe 1.9.265XVC, voiceprint authorization.
    D.A.W.N.: Command acknowledged.
    T.O.M.: Control synchonization complete. Awaiting instructions.
    Executive Bolts: Switch Iris craft to Immediate-Range Defense and Aerobatic Combat, engage spambot squadron. Retract turboplasma engines, switch to autogenous ramjet thrusters. Activate Shiva cannons, banks four and eleven. Is the Nimbus network online?
    T.O.M.: Affirmative, commands acknowledged.

    Executive Bolts: Well, Executive Jack, it's very kind of you to join us. Status update?
    D.A.W.N.: ReCaptcha shield online.
    Executive Jack: There's not much to tell. They've penetrated the defense coordinator network and we couldn't isolate the break. I also found something out about an upgraded version of their kitchen rays.
    D.A.W.N.: That can't be good. Shall I activate the Ethyl Hyperbenzate plants?
    Executive Bolts: We'll need to start the nuclear reactor banks. I need all the energy I can get.

    Unbeknowst to Blaster, a spambot squad had picked up his transmission, and were at that exact momentwere about to break into the building where he was currently located. Unfortunately, they were immediately exploded... along with half the shed.
    Executive Bolts (via communicator): Missed me? Now, take cover. I don't want you to get blown to tiny bits. *cuts link* D.A.W.N., fire salvo alpha, cells one through six, Death Blossom.
    D.A.W.N.: Command acknowledged. Sir, what if the spambot fleet detected the missiles?
    Executive Bolts: Have Lilith One fire an EMP on frequencies twelve and seventy three. War is full of risks, D.A.W.N., and this is a war.

    An Explanation

    Executive Bolts is back, bringing with him some new toys.
    First and foremost, we have the XT-14-26A Veil of Daybreak. This is an aerial tactics execution platform; basically a giant flying battleship and self- contained base. With it come six smaller airships: three L-97 Lilith craft, specializing in electronic warfare; and three XBF-56W Iris craft, which are primarily concerned with anti- aircraft defense.
    Also, we have the crytoplasma accelerator. It's still in prototyping, but we can guarantee it will be powerful.
    All of these have major weaknesses, but we hope that it takes quite a bit for the spambot fleet to find them.

    So the universe where the Spambot Wars happened was destroyed. Hmm.

    Wasmic: Thanks for doing this, it was fun. I agree that near the end(or the middle, actually), the story got out of hand. I attempted to fix it, but I also tried to continue the narrative, so Chaoschamp's apparent "deaths" weren't definitive.

    Chaoschamp: I tried to remove you from the story THREE TIMES. Your character was horrendously overpowered, and I never got to write what I actually wanted. No offense.

    Blaster: Your idea sounds awesome. Can I work on it? Please?

    Everyone else: Fantastic job. There's nothing much else I can say.

    Now, I want to write in a new science fiction/fantasy minecraft story. Should I start one, should I wait for Wasmic to start Season Three, or am I just stupid and I haven't noticed one that already exists? I want your oppinions.

    *Space Station Lucifer arrives at the Amethyst complex*
    Executive Bolts: I need to meet with Executive Lewis.
    Secretary: He's busy. Something about a cryptoplasma accelerator.
    Executive Bolts: I am a participant in that project, and you know it. Which lab is he in?
    Secretary: Hmmph. Lab 588, sub 4.
    Executive Bolts: Very well.
    Executive Bolts: I came for the cryptoplasma cannon.
    Executive Lewis: Good news, sir! We've successfully integrated Blazing Beam and Kiss of Death! The injection cyclotron is still a little shaky, but I believe we've worked around that.
    Executive Bolts: What about the inertial resonator? Is it better? Last time I saw this, its ectolinear stabilizer needed to be realigned after every shot.
    Executive Lewis: It's safely locked in place this time, sir. Ready to install?
    D.A.W.N.: Sir, the Administrator is wondering why this is taking so long. He wants a meeting with you.

    D.A.W.N.: Sir! Vault 197 has been breached.
    Executive Bolts: That was the vault that...oh, my god.
    *Runs over to control terminal, starts typing rapidly*
    Executive Bolts: Initiate a level eight lockdown and activate defensive measures, authorization Alpha Phi Echo 2648, Edward Holystone Freeman Bolts, 9557. D.A.W.N., triangulate the rogue and terminate.
    D.A.W.N.: I'll try. I'm going to inform the Minecraftian Defense Alliance - oh, no.
    Executive Bolts: What is it?
    D.A.W.N.: There's a spambot fleet approaching our coordinates.
    Executive Bolts: We're not prepared for this. Flood the lower column with liquid helium, then vent it into hyperspace. We're going to the Amethyst system.
    D.A.W.N.: That could work, but we'll have to risk draining the auxiliary reactor coolant reservoir.
    Executive Bolts: Have the Chef make me some tea and cookies. I need to formulate a strategy.

    Executive Bolts: Start REthernet transmission to: Blaster, thepowdertoy, Bitterholz, and Scott.
    I am somewhat disappointed to inform you that the entity known as Chaos no longer exists in the traditional sense. I removed his power and separated his consciousness from his corporeal body. He may eventually regain his power, but that is at least centuries away. The entity CHAOS, on the other hand, is clearly dead. All that is left is a lot of entropic energy inside a storage cell in a vault on my space station. Project Mutatio is close to unveiling its newest product, and I guarantee that you will appreciate it.
    Transmission end.
    D.A.W.N.: The existential bomb is ready to be deployed, sir.
    Executive Bolts: Detonate in coordinates #!, 20 years ago. CHAOS must never exist again.