Afterdusk - Discussion

Link to story

As announced, I've finally finished my 2nd (3rd, if you count the sub-par stuff I once wrote and published as a book) longest project, a story which I started somewhen last year (spring or summer), then stopped halfway and resumed a few weeks ago.

I've hinted it in the story's main thread, but the story does contain quite a few references to video games, TV series and one of my favourite books. I'm looking forward to discussions and guesses in this regard
Oh, and you may or may not make vague guesses in regards to the devotement, but since her character was pretty much the model for Miranda, I felt as if it was suitable to mention her. Those knowing me well will recognize her.

edit:
Whilst typing 'edit:', I forgot the important thing I had previously forgotten to mention, yet again >.>
editedit:

Well, the last offer I saw for English proofreading was (with the length of my story) ranging in the pricing of a 3 digit sum, not 'a few cups of coffee'. And I've no friend/relative/guy-who-owns-me-something who could be doing the proofreading, either.
Except for Shalashalska of course, one of the IC forum users who spends his free time checking the stories for errors, albeit it of course takes time. Once he's done I will reupload AfterDusk, like I did with a few other stories before.

Definitely need to improve my English though, if I still drop that many grammar errors all across the place
And yes, was supposed to be 'no one'.

Thanks for the critique, in either case.

Quote from Sinnaj63

What food ate all the people in the cities?
Where did you got all your ideas from?

No clue... and, no clue. XD

Quote from bbqroast

Your English is fine, and would work well if spoken. But it doesn't translate on to text very well, at the start it wasn't great but by the end it was practically up to the standard of a well educated person with English as their first language. Did you write this story over a long time (over witch your English improved) or do you take a while to get into the English mood?

Apparently former one, I've started the story somewhen last summer and stopped writing after reaching the point where Artemis made up his theory in regards to subject #6. I can't tell by myself whether there's a noticeable difference between the 'first' and 'second' part of the story, myself...
Many thanks for considering (at least one part of the document) to be on par with a native English speaker. Doubt I can ever fully reach that level, though.

Quote from skavier470

I have found ou that you made typos after page 66 more often.

IS Artemis refering to the Artemis Foul from the Eon Colfer book series?
I realy like the story, even the style and the writing of this reminds me of Eon Colfer.

just something that bothers me is,
story spoiler:

Display Spoiler

why they didnt just nuke the entire ship?

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Well, usually I write from ~9PM to ~2AM, if said page 66 was written in the latter timeframe, it is may more prone to errors And as much as I try, proofreading your own texts isn't that successfull.
As well, yes, that reference is one of the few included in Afterdusk :3
I love the Artemis Fowl series, one of my first favourite book series. Actually, I think it IS the first one.
Answer to story spoiler:

Quote from Thepowdertoy +Bleach

I don't know why but when I was reading this story I remember about Prototype... You know, that video game

Amusingly, I didn't intend the similarities to Prototype, but after playing latter game and then reading the story, it definitely has a load of parallel's.