Posts by Epic Lulz

(Industrial) Diamonds!
Do you want to hear a story? Yes? Great! Now, it was the year... uhm, i don't remember the exact number, but that doesn't matter. It was the year my father met his perfect dream-wife. However, as she was born in a rich house, she was expecting some quite expensive jewelry from him. As a poor Miner, my father couldn't afford anything and started mining more and more to find something valuable. One day, he actually was lucky and found them: three shiny diamonds. However, just a day ago, he promised his best friend he would do everything to help him building a random portal to a random dimension called "The Nether". To harvest the Obsidian necessary, they ned a diamond pickaxe though... You possible now that decision problem, don't you? Diamond tool or diamond jewelry... evil question, isn't it? IT ISN'T, HAYO! Because now we present you a way to craft diamonds, isn't that AMAZING?! First of all, you need coal, because, as everyone knows, diamonds consist of the same atoms as coal. Then you need our great Maceratron-E-901-Device, to turn a full load of roughly 64 coal pieces into fine coal dust.

then you can form the coal dust to a small clump of coal. Of course you need some kind of core element, we recommend cheap flint.

This clump can now be put into the Freakin Compress-O-Matic C77 to turn it into a highly compressed piece of coal.

Not a diamond yet, but we're halfway there! Because now you need to take 8 of those coalpieces and form them to another clump. By all research done, we sadly couldn't find any other usable core element then pure obsidian here. But if you got a block of obsidian, you can use it together with the coalpieces to form a big chunk of compressed elements.

And now guess what happens if you put this chunk into a Freakin Compress-O-Matic C77? Yes, YOU GET A DIAMOND, HAYO!

Sidenote: We are aware of the unpure quality of diamonds created this way. The buying contract does not give you the right to sue us for not giving you recipes for a perfect diamond. We are only need to give you instructions and equipment to craft industrial usable diamonds with the capability to be crafted into tools.

Cans
And now, it's time for another lifesaver! And no, i don't mean SteelPeelz, though this would be lifesaving in many situations as well. I present you, Tin Cans.

Now you probably ask "What can a Tin Can do to save my life?" Weren't you ever peacefully exploring the vast landscape and got suddenly attacked by hordes of suddenly appearing, highly dangerous monsters? Sure, with the right equipment, especially if you are using our precious technology, you can fend these beast off. But sometimes when you get hungry, and what then? For long travels, you will need ginormous amounts of food. And as everyone knows, food takes up quite a lot of space in every backpack. Tin Cans can make your life much easier... if combined with the Unmobile Food Canning Machine GTA4!

These device is capable of splitting ANY kind of source into it's basic components, mixing them up to a healthy, yet tasty mash. As well, it can fill this mash with an amazing speed into tin cans and seal them up for unlimited expiry dates!

Instead of carrying bulky food, you can now carry a nice pack of food compressed into tin cans, ready to be opened up whenever net, isn't that fantastic, HAYO!

Drills
Industrial Revolution! It's good, it's neat, it's a hype and it's frikkin productive! But can simple pickaxes still fuel the hunger of modern machinery? I tell you: No! For this sake, we developed the ultimate device for every miner: The Mining Drill!

This device can easily run right through any kind of stone, ore or sand. Actually, it goes right through them even EASIER then a hot knife through butter. That's a fact, mate. Additionally, our great level of technology allowed us to make the Mining Drill fully compatible with our famous T500-Rechargeable Energy Storation Unit. However, to make the personal usage of the Mining Drill even easier, we disabled the direct recharging procedure and invented a neat Mobile Charger.

This device can connect to any electric tool yet existent and will use the power of a RE Battery to charge the tool up in an instant, possibly even faster then you can say HAYO!

Of course, you can now complain about the energy hunger of "a simple tool". But did you yet realize that the Mining Drill is completely unbreakable! Yes, it can run out of fuel, but it will NEVER EVER break! That's a promise for lifetime! And if you possibly got some spare diamonds at hands, or just recently crafted some, you can now make efficient and economic use of them:

Just combine them with the standard version of the Mining Drill and you will get an amazing device called "Diamond Drill", whose mining speed is even far the speed of light! You say it isn't? Of course it is, or do you think we would ever lie to you?! HAYO!

Chainsaw
A dark knight... you don't have any torches left... and no fuel to heat your house... There's a forest nearby and you even have an old, rusty axe. But... THERE ARE FREAKIN ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE! Your solution: The Chainsaw

Yes, you heard right, we designed a frikking chainsaw just in case! It's built with the same ground components as the Mining Drill and is as well completely compatible with T500-Rechargeable Energy Storation Units. With a chainsaw, you never need to fear a dark night without wood, because you can just run out there and cut EVERYTHING down. The forest! The zombies! Your evil neighbor you were envy at since ever! ANYTHING! And this even at an amazing speed, HAYO! Of course, the high quality of our products makes the chainsaw completely unexaustable, as well. You will need an energy recharge here and there, but hey, who cares for unimportant stuff like that, seriously?

Recycler
Now, you got the tools to harvest tons of everything. But what happens if all the useless stone and dirt piles up? Just buy yourself a sweet new Recycler

Recyclers compress, burn, obliterate and filter EVERYTHING you feed them. LITERALLY! It even ate my shiny diamond block... that wasn't really nice... ... HAYO! Who cares, because with this devices, i can turn piles of dirt into piles of useful stuff, including many NEW diamonds! And best of all: It's fast and doesn't use much energy, great, isn't it? Note: Not every recycling process does successfully return a piece of scrap. Stop throwing in dirt and instead use valuable ingots, may that will change something. But, how do you even use the strange stuff coming out from the Recycler?

Easy, just bunch some scrap together, put a box around it and VOILA, it will suddenly turn into something useful! What exactly? Now... i don't know either, HAYO!

Reinforcements
You know, what's great? A house made of glass. It rocks, doesn't it? However, we all know building glass houses is stupid... because of this little evil green creeping alien thingys. I think they were called Creeper... However, WE SOLVED YOUR PROBLEM, HAYO! Advanced Alloy First of all, you need some raw materials to craft your Alloy.

Just stack up a row of Bronze upon a row of Refined Iron, and add another row of Tin at the top. The result will be two blocks of... now... Metal ? And yes,for now it's just a pile of random ingots, we know that. But can you guess what happens if you apply a pressure of 4000 Gibbl? It will turn into a sweet, heavy and especially shiny plate of Advanced Alloy! What you can do with it, you ask? Now, first of all, you can reinforce normal stone to be nearly explosion-proof.

As well, you can use Alloy plates to reinforce glass. Sure, it's still glass and thus not completely unbreakable, but at least not your entire glass house will blow up in an instant.

Last, but not least, you can reinforce YOURSELF! You know these big tanks with big guns and big armor? They've got something called Composite Armor. And hey, did you ever hear of a tank being blown up by a Creeper? Of course not, because it's frikkin durable!

Just craft your own, personal Composite Armor and laugh all the evil creepers into their little green faces. HAYO!

Jetpack
As well, we present you the intimidating, delicate and surely amazing movement device of the future: The Jetpack, HAYO! Everyone knows, owning a Jetpack is the dream of every miner. Actually it's everyone's dream. Thus, we decided to make another dream true and invented this sweet Jetpack.

The Jetpack Move-It-Tiki-Style 999 has everything you need to conquer the air: Thrusters, advanced tin straps, forwards thrusters and even a fuel tank! And don't forget the full automatic Chicken Launcher and the integrated Mr. Cappucino for flight brakes. As well, it includes most advanced security techniques. To prevent from accidents like children flying off to escape from school and similar stuff, the Jetpack needs to be activated first, by holding it and rightclicking. After that, just equip it like a casual chest armor, though it's being strapped on the back, and hold SPACE to fly around... until your fuel runs out that is... To refuel your jetpack, you need our precious coal-based fuel:

Of course you cannot use Plantfuel, as it's an entirely useless greenie invention, not even if you put four of them around the jetpack, instead of two normal fuel. Keep in mind that, for safety reasons, you can only refuel completely emptied Jetpacks. As well, we would like to warn you that, due to Aerial Compression and some other aerospace technic stuff, the Jetpack will loose on trusting power the higher your fly. Don't try to reach the stars, otherwise you could encounter an engine crash sending your downwards quite fast.

Watermill
For those who prefer old-school energy generation, we invented this nice little thingy. The Water Mill can produce energy... by using WATER, isn't that suprising? Sounds simple, doesn't it? But i hope, you didn't forget the good ol' times? You know, the times where people were actually WORKING for their lives? The Water Mill is for THAT kind of people. If you want to use it, fine, but keep in mind it needs a constant supply of fresh water to charge RE Batterys. If your mouse-clicking finger hurts, don't blame us, HAYO!

Geothermal Generator
Ge-o-ther-mal, doesn't that sound really good? Ye, it does. And why? Because it's freakin awesome! A Geothermal Generator works on the same basic principal as normal Generators do. But instead of wastefully burning stuff, these machines use the heat of pure Magma to provide a clean, yet powerful energy source. Just put a bucket of freshly gathered lava in, and watch your RE Battery's charging up! HAYO! Attention: We take no responsibility for any physical damages customers may take in the process of filling Geothermal Generators with lava. You may not sue us for payment of any fire damages done to your housing.

Solar Panel
Ah, the technology of Future! Solar Panels are the futuristic and 100% clean alternative to gather energy. They don't even use any kind of fuel but the sun, seriously! You can just place them somewhere in sunlight, put a battery in and be happy.

As fair salesman's, we feel responsible to tell you that charging up RE Battery's by Solar Panels may take some time. But this is not because of the low efficiency of the Solar Panels, but because our RE Battery's are so frikkin awesome full of energy, they just need long to load, HAYO.

Macerator
Did you ever feel like life was being unfair to you? Did you ever feel angered about your neighbor miner finding loads of minerals whereas you didn't? Now, did you ever take a look at his work station? Do you want to now why he had giant loads of valuable ingots to craft into more awesome stuff? HE HAD A MACERATOR!

Stupid people (this does not apply to customers or everyone reading this, but to everyone you personally dislike) smelt ore. What a shameful waste. You just smelt some ore out of the rock and then trash the remains? Nah, only idiots do that. Every Pro Miner knows, that 50% of a rocks mineral deposits are surrounded by massive rock and can't be obtained by smelting. For this problem, we invented the Maceratron-E-901! It uses the combined force of smart technology and brute force to break open every even so small part of stone, effectively doubling the efficiency of gaining ore. It takes some time, but will completely waste-free and 100%-sure turn the entire ore-rock into dust and then automatically filter the useless stone out. As a result, it will return you high-quality ore-dust of whatever material you dropped in there.

And, you may guess it, this dust can be smolten into ingots! Isn't that great? You can easily DOUBLE your entire ore production. Don't hesitate, BUY NOW, HAYO!

Extractor
Now, did you remember this puny little treetaps?

Yes, the stupid small ones you need to feed abnormous amounts of wood just to get a small amount of rubber to produce cables?

It sucked, we admit it. And for this sake, we developed this piece of an most awesome machine: The Dejuicer-Device of Doom - D123!

Powered by any energy source, preferably the perfectly-designed T500-Rechargeable Energy Storation Unit, this device can extact amazingly amounts of resources from stuff. For example, it improves the ratio of gaining rubber by an ultimate amazing 200%!!!.

But not even that, this device can more! 'What?' do you ask? Now, that's a secret we will tell you later, HAYO!

Compressor
It's amazing how much stuff you can craft with a basic workbench isn't it? Big machines, boats, extremely nimble circuits, everything can be done just with a few tools. But though this great circumstance, there ARE a few things you just can't do. And you know that. However, this device can! Yes, wait can!

Using most advanced technology, the Freakin Compress-O-Matic C77 can create a pressure of over 4000 Gibbl. What is Gibbl you ask? I don't know either, but it must be something frikkin awesome! The most ned use of this stunning ability is to create advanced materials, like steel plating and other platingly plating stuff. You know, these stuffs... ... HAYO!

Single-use Battery
But what happens if you don't have a fast generator on-hand and don't want to wait long or waste valuable redstone dust, BUT have to use an electric device? Now, we solved this problem for you, as well (aren't we great?!): Single-use battery's, also known as T501-Non-Rechargeable Energy Storation Unit pose the same power as their rechargeable counterparts... Just without recharge. However, they are much easier to produce in quantitys and are much more easily transportable.

Attention: These battery's contain chemicals and are therefore NOT eatable! Not even if you craft them with PlantFuel, which of course isn't possible, as PlantFuel is of course entirely useless and should not be used in any way!

Bronze
But don't think you're done yet, more spectacular blueprints, buyable products and crafting recipes await! Because now, i present you: Bronze

To craft it, you need some copper and some tin dust. To be exact, you need 3 copper dust and 1 tin dust. Just arrange it into a 2x2 pattern of any order and you will be able to mix the stuff into some neat Bronze dust. This bronze dust then can be smolten like any other dust.

And no, that isn't some casual bronze which was already known thousands of years ago. That is really special bronze! You can craft all kinds of stuff with it, like pickaxes, swords, armor parts... whatever you can imagine!

The special ability of Bronze, compared with common Iron, is it advanced durability. Each item you craft of Bronze, will not only look far more awesome, but will as well hold about 30% longer. And in effect, the tools are nearly as effective as iron tools, too! And who does seriously care about a slight lack in efficiency, if you can get whooping 30% more durability? HAYO!