Fun: Diary of the last survivors of the spambot apocalypse

*in transmission room*

AI: plug me in

Thepowdertoy: Doing it

AI: Running system scan..... Wait, I detect an anomaly at external sensors

Thepowdertoy: What is that?
*small earthshake*

AI: Wait... oh no, that is a new spambot ship

Thepowdertoy: What class is it?

AI: Markov chain text gen ship... oh no! This ship have a lot of virus payload!

Thepowdertoy: Change of plan. Don't upload the virus yet, because I have a bad feeling about this. And open transmission channel

--Start transmission--

To everyone that hear this, I'm transmitting from the newly discovered spambot universe. We have discovered a new type of ship, which named Markov chain text gen ship. We didn't know this ship full capability, however there is a virus there. Thepowdertoy out.

--Transmission end--

---Beginning Transmission---
After I builded a copy of the bots port-o-mat, I went trough it several times, but enter only random dimensions, without spambots. A list is attached

But now, I think I now how their technology works. So, I will end this transmission now, and hope to come back.
---Transmission Ended---
Sinnaj63:"So,lets go trough!
*Portal opens with cool sound*
Sinnaj63:"That isn't how I thought the kitchenverse!"
GregoriusT:"That isn't the kitchenverse!!"
Sinnaj63:"That means, that all normal teleportations back to kitchenverse would come here."

I was dropped off back into the Minecraftia realm, where I landed on top of a wreckage of on of GregTech Intergalactical's Mark 8,000 ships.
Me: 'Interesting, how could a ship built in the last 2,500 years die like this? Oh wait, GregTech's ships became all powerful and unsinkable in the last millennium... Well, it should have a hyperdrive. Wait, how am I breathing? OMFG! Minecraftians can breath vaccu- * realises that I am in a QSuit* Never mind. Computer, scan this ship for a 2,500 year old FTL drive!'

Computer: 'Nothing detected, all that's left is an empty carcass. Pirates must have been here.'

Me: 'DAMMIT! Looks like I'll have to run in this thing again..'
*Runs at over 9000 kilometres per second again'
*Teleports into strange dimension*
Menu says: 'Teleporting to Earth*
Me: YES! I'm comin-*FInds out the Earth in question is the Real Life Earth*-DAMMIT! SO. MANY. CIRCLES!!!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!!

AIV Tracker: There a beacon to beacon teleporter linked to a node somewhere on Earth in front of me.

Raider: Break it. That may be where some of the bots are coming from.

Beat you to it... *Vaporizes teleport beacon*

Meanwhile in a parallel universe...
Heavy: Engineer! Put teleporter here!
Engineer: Okay
*teleporter starts sparking violently*
Engineer: This isn't supposed to happen!
*entire tf2 server is teleported to the current dimension*
Solider: Look at all these robots...
Heavy: now we fight like men
*mann vs machine music playing*

Tf2 story to be continued...

=== START NEWS TRANSMISSION 48gf8034 ===
Attention all. As per intergalactic emergency law 66982, all kitchens and pantries aboard United Galaxy-registered ships are to be decommissioned and sealed off forever following an bot invasion on our mothership, the Forge. This is to prevent enemy spam bots entering through the kitchen. Thank you for your cooperation.
=== END NEWS TRANSMISSION veru98fu ===
Sorry, I'm new here.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
SENDING HACK PROBE
GPS LOCATION OF IRIDIUM POWERED SUMMONING GUN FOUND "A.L.B.L.A.K.A. GUN"
BREAKING INCRYPTED CODE
FULL CONTROL OF GUN IS NOW ASSUMED
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

---beginning Transmission---
Hello, here is Everhill.
We are actually very well here, and we will start an attack when we find a way to go to the kitchenverse. We have got enough gunships and soldiers, our standard soldiers have got a full nano suit, a nano saber, a energy crystal, one stack of pumpkin pie and one of baked potatoes, a stack of torches and an full Bronze Toolset, including armor. So, our soldiers would be ready and equiqued enough to attack them, but there is a problem: Sinnaj63, who were send to open a portal which the gunships could use for flying trough and bringing the soldiers there, is gone. So, could someone give us a place, where reinforcements are needed? Because...
Probably Sinnaj63 is in another dimension and wont come back.
---Ending Transmission---

---beginning Transmission---
Hello, here is Everhill.
We are actually very well here, and we will start an attack when we find a way to go to the kitchenverse. We have got enough gunships and soldiers, our standard soldiers have got a full nano suit, a nano saber, a energy crystal, one stack of pumpkin pie and one of baked potatoes, a stack of torches and an full Bronze Toolset, including armor. So, our soldiers would be ready and equiqued enough to attack them, but there is a problem: Sinnaj63, who were send to open a portal which the gunships could use for flying trough and bringing the soldiers there, is gone. So, could someone give us a place, where reinforcements are needed? Because...
Probably Sinnaj63 is in another dimension and wont come back.
By the way,please mark your message that it is visable as massage and not as spam as like as over me.
---Ending Transmission---

---Transmission Start---
Everhill, this is Phoenix.
A massive spambot army is headed towards your position and we do not have the numbers required to wipe them out.
I have launched multiple voidfighters to harass them and we are currently bombarding them from low orbit.
The coordinates are --@%&&*@%$^&--.
---Transmission End---

---Beginning Transmission---
Hello, Phoenix, here is everhill. We are safe, really safe, because wechave got a new rocket-science/Gregtech Technology/Modular Force Field based system, some kind of wall. From bedrock to 10 layers over the earth, we have got force fields. These are supported by a moddified defense Station-System, that only kills spambots. As a air defense, we have got rocket, that are linked to an MFFS-Security Station and shoots unregistered ships using rockets. As a last defense, we have got defense stations, rocketkiller-lasers radomly set on the area. The whole system is powered by two fusion reactors(Gregtech).
We found a biiig ancient treasure, protected with iron/other non golden materials walls, that allowed us to build this Hayoish system.
----End---

Meanwhile, outside the destroyed Ender Dragoon Industries factory...

"What is this? THE FREAKING SPAMBOT ARMADA? *KITCHEN KITCHEN KITCHEN KITCHEN* WITH MINING LASER TURTLES AND SOLAR HELMETS?* kitchen kitchen kitchen kitchen* WHERE DID SPAMBOTS GET SOLAR HELMETS! Okay, they're gone. Thank god they didn't find me and my cloaking device. Uh oh, looks like they have a homing beacon on Greg and are going in his direction. Run Greg!"

---Meanwhile on the Gregtech-Flagship---
Gregorius:"By the way, how did you got here? I didn't knew about wormholes in my wall!"
Sinnaj63:"I builded one of this Portals that come from the kitchenverse.
I theoretically should be in the kitchenverse now, pressing this button to allow Everhill sending the gunships and heavy bombs and start attacking the kitchenverse. Have you got a theory why I am know here instead of the kitchenverse?!"
Gregorius:"Maybe the Spambots just build an One-Way-Portal. And instead of coming back, it got to an random position?!"
Sinnaj63:*Shoots with Mining Laser in the Wall*"No, that is a one way way, too. And how can I get back to the base now? I don't want to be here the whole war."
Gregorius:"I could port you back with one of my stationary Wormhole Drive Teleporters. What are Everhill's Coordinates?"
Sinnaj63:"No, I am very bad in Coordinates. I don't even know were my City was!
By the way, can I do some researchs in your facacillities? I have to analyse some other things I gathered from the Spambots, and I think here is a better place then in Everhill, where all the energy is required to keep the defenses active."
Gregorius:"Yes, you can. Sector G3. Here is a map."
Sinnaj63:"I thought you that that is your flagship. How big is it, that you have maps of it?"
Gregorius:"It is 4(?) times as big as Atlantis, and is a great example of Lagfreeness!"
Sinnaj63:"I hope I will find the way there. The things I found might give us usefull information about the Spambots."

Science Log, Stardate 0.06 after conversion
After a crash landing with my shuttle due to malfunctioning computer systems, I have walked to the ruins of the facility. Or at least what I've thought would be ruins. The spambots obviously had stopped the self-destruction sequence. The facility had been devasted by the bots, but everything has still been working. I've known where to go, I'd gone that way many times, but it always had been too dangerous. But as I've returned, all the others had died long ago. Noone has been there to stop me. I've entered the password and entered the room. The spambots hadn't hacked the door, maybe the reactor's radiation had damaged their circuitry or they had been too stupid to understand the importance of the room. Anyway, then I've activated the machine. It has taken a long time, but the hidden star ship is almost ready to start and...

...I'm the most powerful computer in the galaxy.

***Initiate transmission recievers***
***Loading...***
***Breaking encryption...***
***Transmission begin***
++Begin log++
++I have been stranded here for many days now and spambots are hunting for me++
++I do not know what happened to the rest of the Senate of Verveide, but I fear that I am the last one alive.++
++I have created this log for any other Senator or fleet commander out there so they may know what happened.++
++Verveide is destroyed, the Starhaven has disappeared. The spambots arrived through the ships of the 3rd battlefleet, carried in data form.++
++My name is Althyri Re'lietyh. I was once the captain of the Star of Glory.++
++DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT attempt to return to either Starhaven or the homeworld.++
++The outer colonies are all we have left.++
++My last command was to send every remaining Verveidian ship to Earth, to fight the spambots there.++
++I can hear them coming. CENTRUS out.++
***Transmission end.***

Day: UNKNOWN
Location: Chaos realm

!!WARNING TIMESPACE LOCK ON CURRENT AREA!!
DIMENSIONAL PLANE RIFTS SPOTTED
REQUESTING MORE POWER
TRANSMISSION MAY BE GRAINY

--BEGIN OF TRANSMISSION--
DESTROY THE WORLD BARRIERS SO WE CAN PREPARE OUR FINAL ASSAULT. ONCE WE DESTROY THE WORLD BARRIERS WE SLIP THROUGH A RIFT IN TIMESPACE PLUS I CAN DEVLOP MY TIMESPACE SUITE. GO MY SPAMBOT CHILDREN . GO TO YOUR DEATH AND BE REBORN FROM THE ASHES OF THERE CHILDREN.
--END OF TRANSMISSION--

Receiving Transmission...
Loading...
Transmission Received:
Commander Yltimer: 1st battlefleet in position.
Commander Virtyui: 2cd battlefleet jumping on your command.
Commander Ciryus: 4th battlefleet is ready.
Supreme Commander Al'yrith: All fleets jump towards Earth. 1st battlefleet, spearhead formation. Use RED matter torpedoes to destroy any spambot ships.
Virtyui, take reserve role. Make sure no spambots can flank us. Ciryus, Prepare bombardment cannons. I see incoming spambot controlled capital ships.
Commander Ciryus: Firing.
A shock wave tore through space as the hundred guns of the 4th Verveidan battlefleet opened fire, tearing metal from spambot hulls with mass drivers and breaking shields with phased torpedoes.
12 spambot ships were destroyed instantly, turned into so much scrap by the awesome force of the 4th heavy battlefleet.