Not sure if thread is meant to replace spambot wars or is narcissistic fan-fiction
It looks like it's time for a complete reboot of the series.
Either that or go with a new timeline where the spambots won the first war, and mod tech from 1.4 onwards was developed in desperation to liberate us from spambots, not just taken from the spambots.
In a nutshell, it's just a config that enables machines to blow up or not in experimental versions, so LP'ers and normal players can worry about machines blowing up and testers don't have to.
*Lucy still biting me*
Me: Bloody hell this woman's a vampire! GET THE HELL OFF ME! *flicks out tesla pistol on stun blasts Lucy in the neck, blasting her out of the car* The hell was that for?
Lucy: *gasp* You'll never understand! *gasp* Your mere mortal brain cannot comprehend the problems the world faces if you live!
Lucy: *gasp* I cam from an alternate universe, fighting evil. *gasp* You are part of a great evil machine that seeks to destroy the world!
Me: But I donated to Childs Play to save sick children! And I saved cute puppies from an abusive owner and gave it to the RSPCA!
Lucy: That has nothing to do with the evil inside! *Tesla pistol stun effects wear off* Time to die, Tom.
Me: Asa la vista, baby. *pulls out shotgun* DIE YOU EVIL THING!
*BANG! (Sound echoes across the area dramatically)*
Lucy: *Cough* I tried to save the world, but I failed.
Me: So killing me is the key to saving the world?
Lucy: No. *cough* A friend of yours is, of your creation.
Me: Wait, how the hell are you still talking, I could have sworn I hit your lungs.
Lucy: *Cough* Oh crap there go my organs *dies*.
Me: Well, time to head home. Might as well take her corpse home to be buried with a stake.
*I drive back home, and see my house in flames*
Me: WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE?!
AI: Hello. I detected your infection, and as such I have taken precautionary procedures.
Me: What infection?
Lucy: hehe, I did give you a little something...
Me: OH CRAP SHE'S STILL ALIVE!
Lucy: Stop panicking!
Me: YOU ARE MAKING ME A VAM- Wait. We're not combusting or glisten in sunshine! YAY I'M NOT BECOMING A VAMPIRE! Wait, what are you then?
Lucy: Never mind.
Me: *turning back to screen* Seriously, why?
AI: Your infection harms the safety of your base. Do not panic, everything in your base is non-flammable.
Me: Ok... Open the pod bay doors?
AI: I'm sorry T10a. I cannot allow you to continue referencing sci-fi movies.
Me: Ok then, *Why are my hands glowing? Sweet, this woman gave me superpowers!* I'm gonna rock you, like a hurricane.
AI: Like a what?
Me: HADOKEN *Imitates the HADOKEN from Street fighter, but all is does is make a little puff from my hands* Oh crap, that was a one hit wonder on the locals.
Lucy: That wasn't what I gave you when I bit you.
Me: Was it rabies: FUUUUUUUUU-
AI: Please come back later, this post is getting to the TL;DR stage.
Me: What post?
AI: Never mind.
Okay, I meant external water cooling from th old reactors. Oops
Anyways, it would be a minor heat reduction.
Control rods: Redstone no longer affects the Reactor. You will need a control rod to turn off the reactor, but it only works if the control rod touches the reactor. (moar nerfs to da reactor!!!1!)
Old school nuclear ractor config: Pretty much just the old 1.2.5 or earlier reactor functionalities for those who really want it.
I get back home, inventory filled with barricading blocks, resources for missiles, and other items, and placing them into my AE system.
Me: I could use a break. I'll just have a nap.
*Walking to bed, then I notice someone asleep in my bed*
Me: *whispering* AI, did you invite someone over again? Last time that happened, we had all that cat hair all over my bed.
AI: Negative. However, I am detecting remnants of space-time disruptions.
Me: So this woman came over from another universe? Cool, I dig alternate universe space chicks.
AI: Not necessarily. These space-time distortions are coming from our own universe.
Me: So then, just space lady. Still cool! Should I wake her?
AI: Negative, however I am detecting injuries from some form of battle. We do have a space Sync chamber for creating spare body parts to repair her.
Me: Stuff that, splash potion time. Bitches love splash potions.
AI: Could you please stop trying to get this lady to notice you? This female could be the condensation of pure evil and we don't know it!
Me: Fine. I'll get the sync chamber ready. You tend to her, and I'll get the potions ready.
*Lucy awakes in a Sync chamber with various potion body inserts attached to her*
Lucy: GAHH! What is this?
Me: G'day Sheila! Welcome back to the land of the living!
Lucy: What is this thing I'm in? Where am I?
Me: *cuts out fake Australian accent* Well, to be not precise, the middle of nowhere. To be precise, 200 chunks away from the outskirts of New Mojang City. And the object you're in? Well, that's a iChun Co. CD Sync Shower Mk. 2, hastily set up for medical duty.
Lucy: Could you please let me out of here? It's getting really cramped in here.
Me: Sure! *The Sync shower door opens, with a fshhh sound effect and fog* By the way, what's your name?
Lucy: I'm Lucy, what's yours?
Me: I'm called T-10a. Just call me Tom, it's easier to pronounce.
Lucy: Can I leave here Tom? I need to get to New Mojang City, and get to the Notch Space Centre, to get in my ship to save my partners!
Me: *Wait, partners? Dammit, there goes my chance* The NSC? That's not even done yet, let alone operational!
Lucy: Have I landed back into the past? *Yes! I can stop this from happening if this is the case!*
Me: Nope, just kidding, that's down the road 300 k's from here.
Lucy: *Turns out this 'Tom' is also a massive jerk* Oh well, lend me your car if you have one and I'll drive to there.
Me: I'll drive, thank you.
*A distant niggling feeling arises in T10a, like as if he is being summoned to some unholy place*
Me: Huh? The hell happened, and I was in such a good dream.
AI: Creeper hunting again sir?
Me: Yes, creeper hunting. Why do I still have those, I thought hostile mobs became extinct after the last Spambot War.
AI: Maybe it's because you feel that you have no more purpose in life, being a raised hunter of monsters.
Me: I guess so.
*A distant rumbling sound shakes my mountainside base, knocking over my flower collection*
Me: Dammit! That took so long to fix after they tried to get a spaceport out in this godforsaken place! I have had en-*A sudden dark feeling arises inside, instantly interrupting my rant*
AI: Master? You alright?
Me: Yeah, I guess so. I think my dinner last night had some grin powder on it from the garden.
AI: You don't use grin powder on your garden, sir.
Me: Are you saying that I've been eating weeds for the last week?
Me: Dammit, I really need to get a better Weed-Killing device, the last one's died.
AI: Shall I put in an order for IndustrialCorp?
Me: Yes, put in an order to IndustrialCorp. And ask for these, too. *gives a nearby computer terminal a piece of paper of which I quickly jotted down some things on*
AI: *reads notes* Are you seriously asking me, of all things, to buy arms and armour from IndustrialCorp?
Me: Definitely. And be sure the Redstone Sprayer works this time around.
AI: Are we seriously going to have another battle over this godforsaken rock?
Me: Probably, this time not from an external threat.
AI: Some supervillian trying to take over the world again?
Me: Nope. This time, we're gonna ride things out instead of bailing out the moment I hear on the news crap hits the fan. But just in case, keep the escape airship ready, and all items ready to mobilise.
I woke up in a cyro pod, unaware of my surroundings. I then see robots walking around, which must be spambots.
Robot: The patient is awake! Inform the Spambot Overlord that his human captive is all well!
Me: Aren't you guys sick of constantly kidnapping me?
Robot: Your DNA structure is unique, and that must be studied.
Me: Wouldn't that be the DNA mucking around when you 'augmented' me before?
Me: Well, show me the nearest escape pod, and I'll kindly leave.
Robot: You cannot leave. They are heavily guarded.
Me: Better dead than be a spambot! *Knocks down robot, and jumps at the guard, stealing his flechette rifle* Great, now the entire ship is looking for me. Hey look, a intership comm terminal! *fiddles with the wiring, so I can use it as a distress signal*
***MINECRAFTIAN DISTRESS SIGNAL, COORDINATES *CAPATCHA LOCKED* ***
This is T10a. Once again, I am a spambot hostage. Could you kindly come and rescue me once again?
Also, could you explain to me what has happened? I've been trapped in cyro stasis for months on end, with no clue on what is happening.
***END MINECRAFTIAN DISTRESS SIGNAL***
Me: Well, time to find myself an escape pod.
I was wandering in the ruins of Mojang City, finding the Minecraftian Army Base, but there was no sign of it in the ruins. I then decide to send an encrypted pickup signal, which read:
=====REQUEST FOR PICKUP SIGNAL=====
Hello, this is T10a. I am at the Park of Notch, awaiting a pickup. I am loading a flaregun as we speak, which should help you find me. Right now, I probably have 8 gazillion spambot eyes gazing at my delicious face, so it would be best to pick me up now. Over.
=====PICKUP SIGNAL END=====
I await pickup, and I search the nearby buildings for supplies.
I left the elevator, but it was on the 32nd floor. Then received wasmic's message, and I conveniently find a functional R.E.S.P.A.W.N. beacon on a desk near me. I then realize that the Spambots have taken 3 Minecraftians hostage on the 30th floor, and therefore I decide to save them. I encounter/kill 37 spambots along the way, and I descend to the 30th floor on an elevator. Once I get to the 30th room, I encounter the hostages and the spambots, one of which appears to have taken 3 times as many protein bars compared to the other two.
Boss Spambot: Give us the ransom- Both 5 million Credits and YOUR LIFE!
Me: Here you go! *throws only 64 diamond credits*
Spambots: PAYCHECK TIME! *They fight amongst each other for the money, while I sneak by and rescue the hostages*
Me: You alright?
Hostage 1: Thanks, what's your name sir?
Me: John Mc- I mean T10a.
Hostage 2: Thanks for saving us!
Spambots: Wait a second- HE SCAMMED US AND RELEASED THE HOSTAGES! KILL THEM ALL! *They fire their plasma rifles at me and the hostages, and I shoot them with my tesla pistol, two spambots go down*
Boss Spambot: Fine, I'll kill the Minecraftian! *Boss music plays*
The Spambot robot throws both me and the 1st hostage at the stairwell, I fall down the stairs but the hostage lands near the door. The 2nd hostage pleads the Spambot Boss to stop, but she is thrown out the window. The third hostage stutters a response to stop the Spambot Boss, but the Spambot Boss pulls out a gun and shoots the 3rd hostage. I climb back up the stairs, but the Spambot Boss ran out of ammo, and throws the gun at me, sending me back down the stairs.
Me: I need help here! Send a plane to bomb the entire building!
Bomber pilot: But you'll be killed!
Me: Don't worry, I have a parachute and a R.E.S.P.A.W.N device! Just hurry!
The Spambot Boss hears the plane coming, and throws a fridge at one of the the plane's engines, which makes it spiral towards the building. I jump out the building just in time as the plane crashes into the tower, with the Spambot Boss laughing. in the background as the plane had little to no effect. However, as the tower crumbles, the Spambot Boss is buried under a massive pile of rubble.
Me: I feel sorry right now for the hostages. *dusts off my shirt* At least I didn't die, with help from my parachute!
I get into a car, and traverse the rough terrain so I can find a Minecraftian Army base, so I can fight the Spambots on their own turf.
I was carpet bombing a Spambot position when I noticed that my plane's wings were shot off.
Me: CRAP! *Jumps out*
I fall out of my plane just as it explodes, and I activate my jetpack. I pulled out my rifle and shot some Spambots who were on the roofs of nearby skyscrapers. I then land on the GregTech Intergalactical Building and enter via the roof. I then notice that GregTech Sentries were targeting all forms of movement, and so I ran along the shadows.
Me: I wonder where the control terminal is... I know!
I then run along to the control room (Convinently on the floor I was on), but I then stepped on a twig, which alerted the sentries.
Sentry Voiceover: There you are.
The sentries fired at me, but luckily I jumped inside the control room before I was hit. I then disable all sentry guns in the building for 30 minutes, and I race to an elevator, past corpses of unlucky Testificates and other lifeforms who had been killed by the sentries. I then jump in said elevator, and I slowly descend, with the GregTech Intergalactical Theme playing in the elevator.
I was driving to the spaceport when I realized I had lotsa C4 in the back. I quickly programmed a nearby turtle to fly into the spambot forces, and I attached C4 to the turtle. I then set the turtle on its way to the spambot forces. It eventually got there, but it was shot down by Spambot AA.
Me: Time to apply my methods.
I then found a convenient IndustrialCorp dive bomber, and dropped plasma bombs by the dozen on Spambot fortifications. As soon as I saw the Blue Boulevard being taken, my plane was nearly hit by a Spambot flier. I then saw many spambot fliers aiding their meanacing deeds by kamikaze bombing into Minecraftian Army positions. I used my defensive lasers to take out as many spambot divebombers as possible, but there were so many! The laser batteries ran out quickly, and I inserted new ones. But this delay brought on a giant suicide bomber Spambot flier, and it crashed into a Minecraftian position, obliterating the 4J Studios Memorial Park!
Me: Damn spambots! Why do you not give up?! Oh right, their AI is as clever as cockroaches, therefore they keep coming! *Message to ground forces* This is T10a, I am avaliable for air support! Simply radio a request for air support, and I should be there laying down hell!
After that, I simply flew around, aiding as best as I could as air support. And a lot of plasma bombs were dropped, mind you.
Next step is to have Gregtech run a nullpointer when installed in a folder called Tekkit, which goes as follows: 'java.lang.NullPointerException permission.txt'. Next step is to watch the sparks fly
Someone needs to make a graphic novel of Seasons 1 & 2 sometime soon
The Spambot alarm goes berserk again, awakening me from my sleep.
Me: Great, it's the third time that thing went off. Computer, remove all the ME Drives and put it in my Private Enderchest frequency. I don't want spambots to use my diamonds to make this planet a clusterfuck!
Computer: Excuse me sir, but it's only the second time.
Me: Never mind.
Computer: Ok, the emergency protocol level has been raised to 10. All storage drives have been relocated to the private Enderchests. The armoury will be unlocked only for 10 more minutes, be quick! All liquids will be voided, Endertanks are less reliable than Enderchests in terms of privacy.
Me: Thanks computer!
I race to the armoury, and pull out my backpack. I grab a trusty Gunpowder-based pistol, a Gunpowder-based rifle, a Rocket Launcher, and a Nanosaber for CQC, with plenty of ammo for all of them. I also grab one of my T&B Inc. LavaTech rifles with plenty of batteries. I soon put all of the extra stuff in my backpack, and I leave the armoury. While I'm at it, I also grab food from the Kitchen and bazooka that place to the 10th level of hell before the Spambots do something with it, I grab as many fully charged IndustrialCorp batteries as I can, and I grab medical supplies from my Medical Bay. I then get in my car, and drive out of my base just as the forcefields are raised to protect my base from Spambots!
A while later...
Me: If history repeats itself, I would normally head to the spaceport and get in my spaceship with a noob awaiting.
Just then, a spambot missile sends me flying, and I crash into a building.
Me: The hell happened?
Soldier: *yells to commander* Sir, I think we just got reinforcements!
Corporal: One person?! Dammit, why can't they send more!
Corporal: You ended up on our position so you're our reinforcement now!
Me: I guess so. *pulls out rifle* Let's go *chambers rifle*
Soldier: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You're using a gunpowder rifle! lololololololololololol!
Me: If it works don't fix it. Easy!
Soldier: But those were replaced by lasers fucking CENTURIES ago!
Me: Ok.. meet the LavaTech Gun! *pulls out a LavaTech rifle!
Soldier: Damn, the caveman has some sweet tech!
Me: Shut up. And fight!
Soldier: You're not my-
Corporal: I agree, stop screwing around and FIGHT DAMMIT!
I enter the fierce fighting between Minecraftians and Spambots, and slowly try to escape without the Army knowing. I soon do escape, with the car intact and with me inside, mind you. As I drove off into the sunset, I pondered the future of Minecraftia, and if we'll win this time.
If someone does do a graphic version of the SpamBot Wars, note I have a Makarov PM as my Gunpowder Pistol, a H&K 416 as my Gunpowder rifle, with a SMAW as a rocket launcher.
Don't worry Wasmic, I have this under control.
I was fiddling around on the bridge of the abandoned Gregtech Ship when suddenly I detected a massive fleet of Spambots heading towards Minecraftia.
Me: Well, looks like we're fucked. Better send a-
Spambot: *beep boop* T10a, you're coming with us. This time as a prisoner, not a test subject.
Me: Oh shit, not again. *Quickly sends message to Minecraftians*
-- Message --
Minecraftians! Your time is at an end! The Spambots are coming full force at Minecraftia! Take shelter underground so they cannot find you! I am a prisoner at the moment, so hurry up and save me when you're done with the spambots!
-- Message End --
Spambot: Stop posting to Facebook defective Minecraftian! *jab with knife*
Me: Ow! Ok, I'll come!
*Spambots take me to bridge of their flagship*
Spambot 1: My overlord, I have a very important Minecraftian! This one escaped capture once and defeated many of our factory brothers on Planet 983561!
Spambot Overlord: Good. While chaoschamp fights that defective machine, I'll chain up this one as he watches the END OF THE DAMN MINECRAFTIANS!
Me: *says to self* The time of Minecraftian kind is at an end.
Spambot Overlord: Send the fleet to destroy EVERY Minecraftian facility! Then go for Minecraftia!
Me: *says to self again* Dammit! Why didn't I do anything about it? STOOPID!
*Spambots warp to EVERY known Minecraftian facility, and destroy it with their new K.I.T.C.H.E.N rays. And T10a has horrible visions of the deaths of the Minecraftians on the stations*
Spambot overlord: Time to end that damn Chaoschamp! Go to the testing planet! And destroy it!
Me: If you remove Chaoschamp, our universe will be paused forever!
Spambot Overlord: Time is not that easy to stop, my friend. If I wanted to stop time in your universe, I could attempt research on that. But no, your millions of fellow Minecraftians will become slaves for the rest of time! After all, you don't age or procreate, you simply respawn.
Me: The hell is spawning?
Spambot overlord: My attempts of fourth wall breaking have failed. Oh well. let's just go then. *HAHAHAHAHAHA*
Me: NOOOO *zap*
*Spambots attempt to destroy Chaoschamp*
Chaoschamp: NOOOOOOOOOOO! What are you doing?!?! Our universe is at stake! HURRY UP POWDERTOY!
Powdertoy: I'm trying but this damn machine is too slow!
*Chaoschamp is sent to a pocket universe, where he cannot affect our universe*
*Spambots head back to the ship*
Spambot 1: Sir, the test subject has been eradicated from this universe!
Spambot overlord: Excellent. Wait, the hell is happening?!
Me: YES! You spambots are so dumb! You destroyed time! HAHAHAHAHAHA
Spambots: OH NOOOOOOOOOOO
*The entire universe collapses, as chaoschamp was essential to the universe's stability*
*I respawn in a forest, and I see my house*
Me: What the hell happened?
Computer: Welcome back Master T10a. It is the year 1.5.1.
Me: Oh wow! I've landed in a universe where the Second Spambot War never happened!
Computer: What are you talking about?
Me: Never mind that, let's just settle down for a while.
Computer: Agreed. Although I could have sworn I saw some robots earlier, but never mind.
Me: Oh crap.
Computer: I do have a sensory humor upgrade you know?
Me: Hahahaha NO. It needs tweaking.
Computer: Yeah, I guess tricking the horror part of your CPU isn't that comedic.
Me: I guess.
*I sit down and have a drink of Minecraftian Moonshine. Peace is now at hand across Minecraftia, and soon everyone from my universe appear near their homes/bases, and Minecraftians thrive once again.*
As I explored the abandoned Gregtech Ship, I discover a functional Weapon-Smithing-Bench-o-matic-3000. With all the batteries disabled on this ship, I make a weapon not seen in thousands of years, a handgun. Not a shredder/tesla handgun, the gunpowder kind. I take this handgun, with extra ammo I made for it, and I went to shoot more monsters (And crowbar a few extras). I eventually find the power core, and it turns out there was none other than a SAPPER on the fusion reactor. I crowbar the sapper off, and as I turned around, a spybot attempted to kill me. As I had a gun and the robot didn't, I shot the robot in the face.
Me: Nice! This weapon packs more punch than I expected!
I then go to the bridge, knowing that I have enough power for weeks. As I got to the bridge, another spybot was sapping the communications panel.
Me: SPY SAPPIN MAH TERMINAL! *shoots spybot in the back of the head, and then I run to the sapper and remove it*
After that dilemma, I attempt to send a message.
Me: *Message* Hello, this is T10a. I am currently stranded at the following coordinates *reCapatcha encoding* X= 4000, Y= 128, Z= 12000, in age Space. *end reCapatcha encoding* There are spambots on board, you will need weapons for your rescue party. No time to explain, the bots could be anywhere! *end message* Thank god, I can finally be home again!
I awaken to a sound of alarms, and an AI blaring: WARNING! IMPACT IMMINENT!
Me: I said 6 weeks dammit!
AI: ALERT! BRACE FOR IMPACT!
Me: Oh sh- *Impact*
A few minutes later
Me: Where am I? *Looks out of the window* This is human design, so this is less of a concern. AI! Get the ID number of this ship we just crashed into!
AI: Scanning... No ID detected. Crew: 0. This ship was a GregTech BattleCruiser. Life support is intact, so it's safe to board.
Me: Ok! Might as well. *Grabs BrainTech Shredder* Hope this thing has enough metal for a boarding. *Checks the pistol's charge, and the charge was completely drained in the TechBomb detonation* Damn. *Discards pistol, and grabs a crowbar* Might as well Gordon Freeman this ship.
*I enter the GregTech ship, cautious of any dangers on this abandoned and eerily quiet spaceship*