Fun: Diary of the last survivors of the spambot apocalypse

Thepowdertoy: Dock to the station now

*docks to the station*

Thepowdertoy: We need to move fast. We have a thaumic spambot over here

AI: Analyzing station systems...... YES! I got the spambot transmitter location. Its a planet. But I have some bad news

Thepowdertoy: What is the bad news?

AI: There are several million kitchen and hose swagging class ship guarding the planet. Even if we penetrate the defense, they still have AA batteries and particle cannon grid guarding the point of entry. We cannot penetrate the defense and upload the virus.

Thepowdertoy: So you don't really know this ship capability

AI: ?

Thepowdertoy: Even if somehow the force field is offline, we still have 3 meter thick of iridium reinforced stone, with iridium neutron reflector. This ship also have point defense cannon that will destroy any projectile before it

Spambot: Want to buy a kitchen?
Everone: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*everyone throws a stack of nukes each at the spambot*
*everyone teleports away quickly*
*nukes explode*
*the spambot is overkilled massively*

The hive ship is ENORMOUS!

Wraith: ++Yes. I suggest that we keep together, altough it'll take longer time to find mr. Hive. It's creeping with spambots in there. Stay in telepathic contact++

*Enters ship*
*Is immediately ambushed by at least 91 spambots*

Wasmic: ++I'm hit by a laser++

*Fights down the spambots*

Wraith: ++Are you all right?++

Wasmic: ++I'll be fine. I just have to wither a few spambots more, then I'll be at full health again++

Wraith: ++Good. Which direction should we take?++

Wasmic: ++Let's go right. Left always leads out of mazes.++

Wraith: I shall...
*Gets ambushed by a squad of pop-up ads*
I quickly spin around and wade into close combat, my Teslastaff slicing spambot heads and bodies off, A spambot equipped with a nanosaber jumped out, I dive rolled and released 10000 Eu's into it's chest. Suddenly, the air grew heavy and visibility lowered. A voice spoke right into my mind, advertising everything from a kitchen sink to orange juice. Then, it was over. Some sort of telepathic disruptor? If anything, it broke our telepathic link. I can no longer see wasmic.

AI: Approaching transmitter at 0.005% speed of light. Wait... someone contacted us. Connecting..

Spambot: Resistance is futile. Your human race will be exterminated.

Thepowdertoy: YOU HAVE TAKE MY SHIP BEFORE AND NOW I WILL NOT LET YOU DO THAT AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11

Spambot: Look at your ship. A ship with ancient technology. With outdated fusion core that make GregT Arcturas class ship seems 1000 years ahead. You are using ancient minigun and ICBM with conventional explosive. So outdated.

AI: Unfortunately, he's right. Our ship is extremely ancient

Thepowdertoy: Unfortunately, both of you doesn't know the extent of THIS SHIP YOU FOOL! Activate FGT protocol

AI: FGT? Wait, you want to suicide? Activating this will create fusion core runaway that will destroy this ship

Thepowdertoy: Do it.

AI: Activating.... 10% before fusion reactor reach critical mass. Reactor output jump to 500%, 1000%, 1500 %, we still not yet reach point of no return, continue?

Thepowdertoy: Spambot, do you want to hear this story?

Spambot: yep

Thepowdertoy: Once upon a time, a random weapon creator create a superweapon. A superweapon that can kill nearly everything in this universe. The weapon has 3 modes of operation, and guess what? One of the mode is named FGT. The F stands for final, meaning after activating this, this weapon will lose 99.999% of the power.

Spambot: What do this weapon look like?

Thepowdertoy: A sword. Something that could beat a nano saber

Spambot: Wait... NOOOOOOOO!!!! You are talking about that weapon from bleach! That is a extremely mythical item

AI: Detecting extremely high radio traffic, telling them to kill this ship at any cost. Reactor is running at 10000% and we have past the point of no return. Total energy generated is 1.05x the power generated by Arcturas class ship and increasing.

Thepowdertoy: T-destruction?

AI: 1 hour before explosion

Thepowdertoy: Spambot, you have destroyed our ship. You have make a really big trouble for humanity. You invade our planet. Yes, I do know that my ship is based on ancient technology. This ship is not as advanced as AIV or Arcturas. NOW, STOP THIS!!!!!!!!!

++Would you like to buy a kitchen?++
I jumped into attack position, believing there was a spambot. Yet another fake...
I walked into another room, and was ambushed by 50 or so bots.
This shouldn't be too hard.
But there'll probaply be more and more as i near the ships core. At that time, it would be great to find Wrait again...

I passed a bank of tanks filled with water and dead bees, and felt a sliver of a voice touch my mind. It sounded like the human wasmic. I replied, stating my location. Then I sat down and waited. Suddenly, a massive slab of reinforced stone dropped from the ceiling, blocking off the route I came from. The stone was so heavy, even a wraithlord-equipped soldier could not pick it up. The only way left was forward, and I felt the presence grow in my mind. I had reestablished communications! I activated my cybernetic implants and sent a quick message.
++I am in a wing full of shattered glass and broken personal safes. I believe this is where scientist Hive stored his weapon-bees.++
Wasmic: ***I will head in that direction, but the main access hallway to the Experimental wing is blocked.***
++That may have been the shockwave of a bit.ly link falling to the ground. Try to find another access point. Can you wither through a wall?++
Wasmic: **Possibly.***

AI: Incoming bit.ly and kitchen bots

Thepowdertoy: T-destruction?

AI: 30 minutes left

*hear a soft thump*

AI: Shield down! Subenginnering section 1 is hit! Life support room is hit! We only have 10 minute remaining

Thepowdertoy: Where we we land?

AI: We will land near one of this planet cooling section

Thepowdertoy: Get us as close as the LZ and we will eject this control room.

AI: ?

Thepowdertoy: This control room is a smaller ship, with its own rockets and weapons. Now I need to manually decouple this ship

*decouple the link*

Thepowdertoy: NOW! EJECT US!

*seperates from the ship*
*Entering planet atmosphere*
*Sees the ship explodes, creating another sun for several minutes, then a black hole form, sucking everything for several minutes until it evaporates*

Thepowdertoy: That is the extent of FGT

Wasmic: ++It's gonna take a while to wither through this wall. It's two meters thick, and it's made of corrosion-resistant metals. I'll be able to weaken it so much that i can be destroyed with a small explosive.++
I started withering the wall, and after a LOT of spambot-interruptions, I had weakened it so much that it could be blown up.
Wasmic: ++Watch out on the other side, There'll be some debris after this.++
I gave it a barrage of heads, and even though i had been withering it for half an hour, i had to blast it 18 times before i broke through.
Wasmic: ++Good to be back together again, I had some close calls against the spambots. By the way, there's a bit.ly link right behind you.++
*Shoots head at bit.ly link*
Wraith: ++Let's go find Hive++

Armor AI: Tac Logis standard procedure states tha-
*Armor AI muted*
++I see something... It looks like a giant tank filled with some kind of greenish fluid.++
Wasmic: ++It's glowing. Maybe it is radioactive.++
++It must be responsible for the insanely high levels of radioactivity. My wraithguard suit is protecting me from it.++
Wasmic: ++I doubt that anyone could have survived... Wait... what was that!++
*A massive shadow rears up, and when it steps into the light,I see that it is the hideously mutated form of scientist Hive. I prepare my advanced combatlaser and teslastaff, and wasmic fires a head at it, knocking it sideways.*
++DO NOT kill him! We need him alive so I may find out what he was doing!++
I slam my teslastaff into his main nerve center, felling him like a silverwood tree with timber mod while pulling a nanoextractor from my main void storage pocket.
I pivoted, and slammed the syringe into his head, extracting all of his thoughts but leaving him alive. Slowly, the nanobots did their work, shrinking flesh growths, devouring bones and plates that had spontaneously decided to form, and returning his form to normal.
Wasmic: I feel something... AGHHHH!
My brain was immediately flooded with advertisements. Some advertising more kitchenware, and even a gregtech ad. It appears that Hive was not broadcasting for the spambots. But then...
What is?

*sees a boiling sea*

Thepowdertoy: Really? That is the cooling facility?

AI: The signal generator and fusion cores are generating so much heat that even a sea is needed to cool it. Even we have a lot of lightning rods used to grab the power. NOOO!!! They are spamming my internal dir with kitchen and bit.ly links! Wait... The bit.ly link tell me something.. it tell me that the entrance to the transmission station are guarded, and we can enter it if we kill this cooling facility

Thepowdertoy: That's weird.... friendly spambot? Spambot is not friendly

AI: Anyway we need to enter that pump station 1

*entering pump station 1*

AI: There are 1000 pump station network... hang on, I'm shutting all of them down

*sea stops boiling*

AI: The bit.ly link are telling me that the transmission station is now not guarded... If we can transmit the spambot virus we can destroy all the spambots

The advertisements stopped.
Or more accurately, I ignored them.
Wasmic: "Maybe we should just talk normally until we're out of here..."
*Turns off Wraith's psi-implant*
Wraith: "Thanks. That was driving me crazy".
Wasmic: "I've recieved word that a giant spambot army is approaching. I suggest that you re-inject Hive's memories, so that he may tell us if the broadcaster is on this ship".
Wraith: "Good idea. I'll do that."

*Downloads the memories and saves them to my armor computer*
I injected the memories in, and he woke up, shaking his head and muttering. Suddenly, I heard a noise coming from outside. It sounded like... war engines.
Wraith: De Althicroun! They mean to blow this ship wide open!
Hive: Let me stand... I know the way...
Wasmic: It's the only chance we've got! RUN!
The iridium reinforced stone deckplates were rattling, but holding fast-so I let Hive stand. He ran off, shouting "This way!" as the first war engine crashed through the wall. It was a siege-tank mounted with a combatlaser and a terrifying hose-crimping machine on the front. I released a sustained burst of fire on explosive at it, and followed wasmic out the door. The corridor was thin, and I saw my chance. I grabbed a canister of human Balkonian dynamite and hurled it, with all of my armors strength, at the siege tank. There was a massive explosion, and the lower laboratory was blown star-high, ripping a hole in the bottom. I could see daylight below the wreck. Without thinking, I jumped as the Hive Ship's CASUC reactor's ice supply ran out, and it was blown to pieces.
Wraith: If anything, the spambots aren't seeing that transmitter anytime soon.

AIV AT-2 (through avatar unit): Ten percent of the spambots are using Keep It Simple Stupid firewalls, making it impossible to break though, sir.

Wolf: What is that, twenty million?

Raider: Twenty million, three hundred forty thousand, one hundred and six.

Wolf: F***. Don't tell me this means we're going in.

Raider: Unless the AIV teams can deal with it, yes, we are going in properly this time.

Wolf: S***.

Raider: Get AIV's Grim Reaper, Darth Tanker, Dark Gunner, Black Panther, Midnight, Twilight, Caterpillar, Tracker, Treader, and what's its name, Trekker onto (AI)OV-382, 345, 378, 392, and 356. The Laser Cutters are to laze targets for the battleships and Assault Tanks. It looks like Wasmic needs another bailout. OV-393, you are charged with that and guiding the other units in. Am, Double F, Resq, Res, (The shorthandles for the four AIV spaceborne battleships), set you beamwidths to ten -- ex -- min and hit the designated targets. Let the destruction commence!

Something went horribly wrong. Wraith, Hive and I had gotten out of the Hiveship, and evac was coming for us. A whole army was just about to land.
We were EMP'd. The engines stopped, and the last few meters became a fall. As the crews came out, mostly unharmed, I tried to call for evac from both Everhill and Greenfield. None answered. I plonked down a scanner I had kept in my I.N.V.E.N.T.O.R.Y. giant invisible backpack. The spambot army was huge. And it was growing. Spambots were teleporting in all the time. All communications were down. All advanced weaponry was too.

Nobody was in command. I turned towards the soldiers that had emerged from the now useless tanks. "Well, boys, I reckon this is it. Lock'n'load. We're going to battle. This is a sure defeat. Make sure your teleport beacons are on, in case you can be respawned. The only thing you have to lose now is your honor. When the spambots arrive, the only rule is that you have to kill as many as possible. Destroy them all!"

"The spambots are here! Defend your honor!"

I charged into battle along with Wraith, and chaos broke lose. I destroyed at least a hundred, and then I took... Something to the head. I died. The next thing I knew was being respawned at the Phoenix. I was teleported back to the battlefield, but this time I died nearly instantly. War is random. I respawned, but was told to stay aboard the phoenix. Continuous respawning uses a ton of energy, and they would not have enough power to revive all. Over 5m spambots were destroyed when the battle was over. It would take some time to regenerate that many bots. But it was still only half the spambot army.

Rather kind of the spambots to gather together like that. It was as good a time as any, so with a roar that shook the earth, Phoenix De Astra activated it's primary engines and headed towards the site of the battle. 5000 metres of iridium shielding and titanium hung over the battlefield, dropping thousands of laser bursts into the spambots. I sent almost 100 MFSU's worth of energy into teleporting every single soldier, human or [DATA EXPUNGED] Aboard. Then, I launched the fighter screen. For an hour, the area over the battlefield was crisscrossed with lasers, contrails, and smoke as spambots and voidfighters dueled. A hose-crimping machine shaped cruiser drew alongside our power generation decks, and I blasted it away with a thought through my psi-implant.