Fun: Diary of the last survivors of the spambot apocalypse

Thank you Everhill. I have launched a teleporter beacon and I have already sent the first wraithlords down, along with 200 soul-fire Combat Drones and 50 of my wraithguard. Do you have an idea of where I could land the Phoenix De Astra?

++The human named wasmic has reported... Mobile kitchens? This should be rather... interesting.++

++Any data on where I can land? The ship's infinity circuit needs a rest.++

The spambots... They are everywhere... They destroyed my ship... devoured my glorious biotech, I must bring it back! The mutations covering my body from the crash raidiation are many, covering my body with an exoskeleton, making my fingernails lengthen into talons... Growing a carapace on my back.

I was forced to devour some of my own biomass to survive, and now I need more. I wonder... Do the spambots have any? I must rebuild the swarm.

Anyone out there? Can you here me? My only teleporter creature left is dying, and I need coordinates to a large science facility, preferably one that contains a farm and pure biomass.

Quote from Mr.HiveTyrant

Really,i would just get all the people i can to help out.Then i would start trying to get the mods to block the posts,If i were being spammed by bots.

You're kinda missing the point of this thread. Either that, or you're joking

EDIT: Please don't reply to this post, we shouldn't go too off-topic...

The spmabots have located my position.I need to get to a factory that has more biomass,im running out of time.I grab what i can and start my long and maybe never ending journey.

I am here. It seems that the spambots that attacked the Phoenix De Astra were of a new variety I am calling "bit.ly links" They have the ability to cloak as a harmless life-form, but when they get near a primitive computer, they infect it with a virus. NOTED: They do not seem to be able to cloak as the crew of the Phoenix De Astra, nor any of my advanced battle robots. Also, they seem to be completely mute.

++I have located a crash site.++
++The ship seems to be partially organic, though the interior resembles an Astrios class GregCruiser. Listed for further study.++
++This ship appears to be a biomass harvester ship, possibly breeding weapon-bees.++
++The crash site is nearly flat. A possible landing spot?++
Wait... I can detect multiple life forms, but they are neither humans nor my race.
~Engage scanners~
Astarioun! That is scientist HiveTyrant! He used to be human though! Listed for further study.
TRANSMISSION START:
Scientist! Activate your teleporter! Your luggage carrier creature is a bit.ly link!

This is bad news. Everhill's command has been overthrown, and for some reason i can't explain, the new general will not let us use the teleporters to get back home to Greenfield. Also, people lower on the new command line are trying to get us angry at them. They've also been listening outside our doors for some time now.

2 hours later.
"GET DOWN!"
The missile hit a building close to ours.
"WHY THE F**K DIDN'T THE ALARM SOUND!!??", one of my soldiers yelled.
"I don't know, but I think it has something to do with the new command. We'd better sort it out before the spambots overrun this place!"
Me and my squad rushed out from our barracks, and ran toward command. A rocket came head on towards us, and we threw ourselves to the sites. But the soldier who ran behind me hadn't seen the rocket. I quickly fired my right head towards the rocket, causing it to detonate too early. The explosion was so powerfull, however, that the air was knocked out of all of us. One of the soldiers quickly got up and threw a splash potion of healing over us. Old fashioned, but effective. We were all back in the fight after a few seconds.
We reached command, and discovered that the door was left open. We ran in and... Discovered that all of command was taking naps. At this time, the old general arrived, and started shouting at them. They didn't wake up. A quick scan showed that they had been gassed with a sleep-inducing gas, although it wasn't lethal. I went away from the squad and down in the command bunker. The new general was down there, talking in a radio, saying nothing bu "oh" and "one" in rapid succession. I easily overpowered him, and lifted him into the air.
"Why do you even try to communicate with them?" I asked.
He replied with "I was trying to get some help from orbital!". A quick examination of the radio showed that it didn't even have the range to do that.
"What are you up to?" I asked him. He was too weird. He could be a modified bit.ly link. I started withering him a little, just as a threat.
"I'm trying to get help, goddammit!" he shouted.
"From where?"
"Does it matter?"
"Yes, because i can hear sounds from the radio that suspiciously sounds like a hose crimping/swaging machine!"
After this, he started mutating. He transformed into a spambot.

Moments later, all that was left was a pile of rust. The old genral entered the room and started calling around with the radio, organizing the counterattack. After only ten minuntes, we had already pushed them out of the base.

(The AIV Cyber Warfare Team breaches all of the firewalls used by the spambots and their controller units. Armored Truck One, the unit designated as the controller, acts on the standing attack order, triggering a cyberattack on a scale not seen for centuries involving the full processing and networking power of the four Americas, trashing the hardware drivers of all of the spambots and the computers used by businesses that operate them, rendering them next to useless. This leads to a major economic disaster.)

Greenhill command. I have found a way to defeat almost all spambots on the planet. All we need to do is get them stuck in a loop and consume all of their own electrical energy. I need the human GregoriusT on the command link now so we can cooperate and code a virus that loops the spambots. Scientist Hive has found a bee that can inject pure data into the spambots. If done properly, we could release a swarm of these bees containing the virus into the largest spambot strongpoints. Also, send the human wasmic through teleporter frequency (CODED BY 4096 BIT ENCRYPTION.)
I have landed the Phoenix De Astra at coordinates (CODED BY 4096 BIT ENCRYPTION) We should be able to use ComputerCraft Computers to write the code. Wasmic, I need a human eye for the battlefield. Scientist Hive is working on the bees and I need fresh input and tactical plans for the battle against the spambots.

ALERT 100000000 SPAMBOTS SHIP TYPE KITCHEN DETECTED

Thepowdertoy: Can you scan the radio network?

AI: Scanning..... Detected Zangetsu, a lot of spambots traffic that might be coming from a single location... and wait... What?! a emergency human frequency transmitter! Its weak. Starting diagnosis...

Thepowdertoy: When Zangetsu will come?

AI: Now!

*a smaller ship coming from the slipspace*

Thepowdertoy: Let this ship under automatic control. We're moving

AI: Why?

Thepowdertoy: Zangetsu have 2000 ICBM, 7 plasma turrets, several torpedo tubes, and it much more suited for massive spambot ambush

*moving ship*

AI: Running reactor diagnosis... Oh no there is spambots infiltrating primary reactor fuel loop! They are trying to kill the reactor

Thepowdertoy: Kill the reactor and move us to the station

AI: Kill it? Why?

Thepowdertoy: They after my mass fabricators used for fueling ICBM. Run the CASUC

*killing fusion reactors*
*drifting away*

Thepowdertoy: Lets hope the station have a supercomputer... I'm thinking we can take the spambots transmitter and send virus to all the spambots, like EnderWraithGuard want to do..

Whew, thank god I was picked up by someone. Now, I need to think of a few ideas:

First: Go along and destroy them from the source.
Second: Be the Terminator and go back in time to prevent this crap happening again.
Third: Call the mighty Dragonlord Albaka once again, and see what his magical knowledge of the mysterious JavaCode will bring us.

Ok, now I need to find the seven holy Dragonballs Exceptional Javascript Artefacts to impale n00bs with, to summon Albaka. Although the amount of negative Flux we've created already from fighting so many Spambots may tip the universe out of balance, I may need to create Flux Capacators Arcane Alembics to assist with removing the Flux.

---Beginng Transmission---
Hello, here is Sinnaj63. I were send from everhill to get some spambot positions, but it was a trap. Planned by bit.ly-links, done by normal bots, so they were easy to kill. But I got the positions of some bases, and it seems like a bigger one, maybe with teleportal devices, is near my position(Coded Coords) I will send you photos and more information when I am far enough away. Hope that I wont die. By.
---Transmission Ends---

------INITIATE TRANSMISSION------
Wasmic: This is Wasmic here. Reporting that I am nearly ready. Right now I'm trying to get close to that spambot base without being detected. Nice encryption on the radio, by the way.
------ABORT TRANSMISSION------

*Howers over the spambot base. Drops down small beacon*

------INITIATE TRANSMISSION------
Wasmic: Come in, Everhill. Beacon is dropped. You may fire at will. I'm getting out of here.
------ABORT TRANSMISSION------

*GTFO's*
*Launches a volley of heads towards the spam bots in the camp*
*Watches as my heads hitting cause brief panic, before the hivemind is reestablished. Enjoys being healed by withering spambots*
*Gets the fuck even more out of there*
*Quickly descends into pre-dug cave*
*Watches as a volley of nuclear missiles strike the base*

------INITIATE TRANSMISSION------
Wasmic: Come in Everhill. I have confirmation that the missiles hit their mark. I am checking the destruction once the worst radiation is gone, in about 24 hours.
Everhill: Confirmed. We are bolstering our defenses in case of a counterattack.
------ABORT TRANSMISSION------

*Sits down and reads comics*
12 hours later...
*Gets ambushed by around 100 spambots*
"You want war? Then you GET war!"
*Grabs mining laser and in-development weapons dating from the Industrium Conflict, nearly a hundred years ago*
*Spam fires laser and guns, along with heads*

And then a spambot hit me. From behind. In my head.

*Wakes up in spambot detention center*
*Finds out that I am chained to a kitchen wall*
15 spambots walks into the kitchen.
Wasmic: "Seriously, did you make your detention center a kitchen?"
Spambot: "YES. WOULD YOU LIKE TO BUY IT?"
Wasmic: "No."
Spambot: "THEN WE MUST DESTROY YOU. YOU WILL BE KILLED BY ELECTROCUTION IN 10... 9..."
*Thinks about what to do*
Spambot: "5... 4..."
*Realizes that they have emtied my inventory*
Spambot: "2... 1..."
Spambot: "PREPARE TO BE SPAMMED WITH ELECTRICAL CHARGES."
*Screams with pain as electricity flows through me*
*Ten seconds later*
Spambot: "ARE YOU STILL ALIVE? IF SO, DO YOU DO GREAT? IF SO, DO YOU FEEL FANTASTIC?"
Wasmic: "One: Yes. The others: not really. But i can assure you, that within a few moments, you won't be able to answer yes to any of them."
Spambot: "CAN YOU PLEASE TELL THAT AGAIN IN NON-COMPLICATED LANGUAGE?"
Wasmic: "I'm still alive, and i'm gonna kill you."

*Fires heads at spambots*
*Spambots shoot back*
*Gets electrocuted again*
*Somehow starts shootimg dark lightning all over the place*
*Dark lightning withers away at the bots*
*Electrocution stops*
*Dark ligtning stops*
*A single spambot lies on floor, trying to reboot*
I then remembered the first lesson of fighting spambots: Terminate. With extreme prejudice.
*Lifts spambot up*
*Starts withering the spambot*
*Fires right and left head into spambot at the same time*
*Spambot explodes*

I looked over to the door. It was locked - and worse, blast resistant. I fired a head up in the roof, and hovered up through it. I realized that i was in the same spambot base that had just been nuked - They had already rebuilt half the base. This was bad. I flew up high and started spamming heads everywhere. Soon, spambots arrived with anti-air fire. I quickly took them out before they could shoot me. I proceeded to bomb a teleporter with a high power incendiary that i has in my grenade belt. I started firing my heads at anything that moved. Then I saw that i had hit a POW. I instantly let myself fall, and rushed to the soldier. She had been at the edge of the explosion, so she hadn't withered much, but she was nearly dead anyway. She had been electrocuted, too. I hated myself. Why had i even got transformed in the first place? Why hadn't I just died from that ice-blaze? Because of my virus. The virus that the weird machine i found plans for had injected me with. Why did all this happen to me. It seems like one of those random-guy-is-hit-by-an-accident-and-becomes-a-hero stories. I lifted her up, and tried to get her to safety, far away from the spambot base. I dug a little cavern to hide in. And she was nearly dead. A random spambot fell down the hole. I destroyed it before it could transmit any location. I absorbed its energy - and I don't know how, but i somehow transferred the bots her, and she got healthy again. I discovered that i could also transfer my own health - and so I did. When she was fully healed, I felt a little weaker, but she was alife. When she came to, she told me that she had escaped the kitchen after the spambots had been diverted by my rampage. She was weak, but she managed to get out. And from then, i knew what had happened. The next day an Evac landed and carried her back to base. I stayed in the field, ready to play my part in Wraith's grand plan.

---Beginning Traansmissiom---
Helo, here is Sinnaj63
I got near enough to the spambots base to photograph it.
It has lots of bots there, but the most interesting thng is there teleport device. I think I will try to rebuild it, to gaive you a place to bomb in and to give me the chance to explore there world.
WARNING! ATTACHED DATA WILL LOAD WHEN LOAD BUTTON IS CLICKED!
LOAD BUTTON:

I have located your biometric signature. Teleporting... Now.
++Wasmic has appeared in the bridge.++
EnderWraithGuard: Do you have the necessary implants for telepathic speech?
wasmic: The ice blaze gave me the withered voice, a power I can use for that.
++Excellent++
***Why am I here exactly?***
++I need a human point of view for this battle, prior species of spambots, Their weaponry, and when they first appeared. It is possible that they may adapt quickly enough for an immunity to appear.
Also, I need a human in Tac Logis so that we may code a self-replicating computer virus that only affects spambots.
It is very possible that one human may be controlling the spambots. I have but 20,000 soldiers, and this ship has room for 100,000. Maybe, a type of missile can be made that replicates the trick that was done with a GregTech lapotronic energy orb.++

Wasmic: ++For the Lapotronic Energyorb trick, well, it's quite simple. There's those things called EMP bombs, manufactured by Calclavia, Inc. that will produce almost exactly this effect, though not as powerful. The spambots, however, have created a countermeasure, however. I don't know why the LapOrb worked, but it was apparently just too powerful for the countermeasures to handle. So, extremely overclocked EMP bombs might be a solution. If the right conditions are present, a nuclear detonation in the upper atmosphere can also produce a pulse.++

Wraith: ++That is good news. We will start to stock up on those EMP explosives, if we can get the blueprints. Do you know how to construct them?++

Wasmic: ++No, but i think most older starships were built with emergency EMP emitters. If we could find one and reverse-engineer it...++

Wraith: ++Good. By the way, do you know something about different kinds of spambots?++

Wasmic: ++Yes. There's the normal ones, humanoid in shape, very fast, very many, but luckily not so durable. They often use melee weapons, but will also use ranged weapons. I once got fish-slapped by one. There's also the pop-up ad, they exist in different forms. They mostly simply turn invisible, then turn visible again right in front of you. Other pop-up ads include those that bury in the ground. Some are also explosive. You know the bit.ly links, you discovered them. And then they have a huge number of different vehicles, most are shaped as kitchens or hose crimping/swaging machines.++

Wraith: ++The sensors should be able to detect pop-up ads, and i've also calibrated them for bit.ly links. We must be ready for surprises, though.++

Wasmic: ++About their weaponry, they sometimes use very advanced weapons, and sometimes throw stones at us. Sometimes they use hi-tec catapults. It is nearly as unpredictable as Monty Python.++

Wraith. ++Like i said, we must be ready for surprises.++

++The Phoenix Probably has some spare EMP emitters in one of the deep R&D bunkers. The ship is 5km long, so I will use a intra-ship teleporter to search. Then we can overclock them using some human overclocker upgrades.++

++Wait a quandrisecond... It appears that I am detecting a... massive anomaly aboard the destroyed hive ship. We may have to investigate.++
wasmic: ++I have suits of alblakian hazmat armor. That should block radiation from any messed up biotech experiments.++
Wraith:I have a new weapon... A advanced Tesla-staff. I had intended it for destroying any infected MK1 Warp spiders, but it is still good enough to wipe a crowd of spambots off of the noosphere.
I have activated teleporter No.172 to send us directly to the cargo bay of the hive ship. Be prepared.++
Teleporting in...
3...
2...
1...

Quote from T10a

Whew, thank god I was picked up by someone. Now, I need to think of a few ideas:

First: Go along and destroy them from the source.
Second: Be the Terminator and go back in time to prevent this crap happening again.
Third: Call the mighty Dragonlord Albaka once again, and see what his magical knowledge of the mysterious JavaCode will bring us.

Ok, now I need to find the seven holy Dragonballs Exceptional Javascript Artefacts to impale n00bs with, to summon Albaka. Although the amount of negative Flux we've created already from fighting so many Spambots may tip the universe out of balance, I may need to create Flux Capacators Arcane Alembics to assist with removing the Flux.

Avoid storing Essentia Fractus at ALL COSTS! Spambots have harnessed the power of Thaumcraft, and they can and will use it against us! I have created a safe iridium-reinforced stone base at coords of [INITIATE 4096 BIT ENCRYPTION]9874.453.34579.12 and frequency of 9001. [END 4096 BIT ENCRYPTION] I have Warded Jars full of every aspect, and a spare Wand of the Thaumaturge. Come quick, my aura nodes and my Essentia Vacuos supply for oxygen won't last forever!

Tac Logis has indicated that thaumic spambots are a serious threat. I need teleport coordinates NOW so I may launch a flanking assault on their bases.